Bob and the Princess
by EvermoreElf
Summary: Sam's little sister wants a bedtime story. What is a bored teen supposed to do? Mess with a classic fairy tale of course. A mangled retelling of Cinderella.


"Tell me a bedtime story!" Caitlin asked of her big sister. "Okay, okay," Sam agreed. "This story is called 'The Panther' and it goes like this:  
  
Once upon a time there was a panther telling a little girl a story. Then he ate her. The end.  
  
Now go to sleep."  
  
Caitlin giggled but protested, "that's not a good story. Tell a proper one!"  
  
"Okay, but it's another once upon a time. Once upon a time there was a poor but beautiful boy -"  
  
"Boys aren't beautiful," said Caitlin knowingly. "They're handsome."  
  
"Fine, handsome. There was a poor but handsome boy who loved his mother very much, but then she died," Sam said cheerfully.  
  
"What was the boy's name?" asked Caitlin, pronouncing each word carefully as little kids do.  
  
"Cinderella," Sam answered without missing a beat.  
  
"No!" Caitlin laughed. "That's a girl's name! Are you sure he isn't just a girl really?"  
  
"He is a boy and you're no fun. But fine, his name is Bob. And when Bob's mother died his father was forced to remarry, being as how they were so very poor. But the woman he married was pretty poor herself. Bob's stepmother was young, and Bob's father was only her first husband. She was a kind woman, and Bob loved her very much, though not as much as he loved his real mother. But one day, because the family was so poor, they had to sell Bob to be a palace slave."  
  
"That's sad," interjected Caitlin.  
  
"Yes it is," Sam told her. "But do you want to hear the story or not?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then stop interrupting. Anyway, Bob hugged his father and kissed his stepmother, and went to work in the castle. Bob was very good at every job he had to do, even the foulest, and he never complained, and was always courteous to the lowliest of guests and even to servants below him, and he gained the favor of the king. Because of this favor Bob was allowed to attend a ball, not as a serving-man, but as a guest. This ball was a special ball however, for it was the ball at which the king's eldest daughter was supposed to choose a man she would marry. The princess, may I call her Cinderella then?"  
  
Caitlin shook her head. "It wouldn't make any sense," she explained.  
  
"True. Okay her name is Bhob and -"  
  
"That's the boy's name!"  
  
"No it isn't," Sam said, "this one has a silent 'h' in it. Now listen. The princess, Bhob, was a very beautiful girl with dark hair in tight little curls that danced around her head, and a strong, practical body. She smiled. All through the night she danced, with suitor after suitor -"  
  
"What's a suitor?" asked Caitlin.  
  
"Finally, a productive interruption!" Sam announced. "A suitor is someone who want so marry someone else, in this case the princess. Bhob."  
  
"Does Bob want to marry Bhob?"  
  
"Why don't you just listen and learn, shorty," Sam told her. "At last Bob got a chance to dance with Princess Bhob, though he was not a suitor."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"He was poor," Sam said shortly. "Only nobles and princes are allowed to marry the princess."  
  
"I think Bob should marry her. He sounds nice."  
  
"He is, now let me finish!" sighed Sam. "Bob was charming, witty, intelligent, and handsome, and Princess Bhob was captivated. They shared every dance -"  
  
"Did they kiss?"  
  
"No," Sam glared at her little sister.  
  
"I know, I know. Let you finish."  
  
"The shared every dance until it was midnight, at which point Bob was due back in the servant's quarters, at the order of the king. He had to return with haste, lest the head servant beat him."  
  
"He'd be beaten?!" Caitlin asked in shock.  
  
"Yes, well, he didn't have a very nice boss. His boss was an old man whose hair once was yellow but now the parts that hadn't fallen out were light gray and his skin was calloused with years of work. He didn't like Bob because he was so young and efficient and pretty --- I mean handsome. So Bob had to return. He hastily whispered farewell's to Princess Bhob.  
  
" 'Will I ever see you again?' she asked.  
  
" 'Everyday,' he told her, 'but only if you look hard and pay attention.'  
  
"This left Princess Bhob in a confusion as Bob raced off, and she was only in time to see the shoe he had dropped. It, like all his clothes for the ball, were on loan from the king's wardrobe. Of course the king had grown fatter since he wore these clothes, but Bob, naturally since he is so handsome, was very thin and in good shape.  
  
" 'I must find who dropped this shoe!' Princess Bhob thought. 'He must be very wealthy to have such fine clothes and such charming manner and appearance. He would be a fine husband.' "  
  
"But Bob is poor," Caitlin said, as if the princess could hear her.  
  
"Yes, but Princess Bhob doesn't know that."  
  
"She should marry him anyway, since she likes him so much," and before Sam could say anything Caitlin added: "And wait for you to finish!"  
  
"Yes. Well then. The next day the princess went to her parents to ask them about the shoe she had found.  
  
" 'Why Franklin (that was the king's name of course),' the queen said, 'that looks like one of your old shoes.'  
  
" 'Indeed it is,' the king replied. 'I loaned to a fine young servant named Bob. That must be who you are looking for. I will call him to me' And he did so. Before anyone could say anything more Bob was there.  
  
" 'A servant?!' replied the princess. 'Is it true?' But she needn't have asked because here he was plain in front of her. The shape of his stature and the lines of his face were the same. 'I cannot marry a servant! Hmph!' The princess stormed out in anger and shame.  
  
" 'But Bhob, I mean your majesty," Bob chased after her, not worrying if the king would be displeased, 'You love me. I know you do. Marry me! Who cares if I'm just a poor boy, because you love me.'  
  
" 'I have made my decision,' the princess said coldly. 'I will marry Prince Rogarn.'  
  
" 'But he is so horrible and mean and ugly -'  
  
" 'You think because you're so attractive you can go anywhere in live boy? Rogarn has money and land. He has a huge kingdom. Our marriage will be of great profit. Looks get not far. I am working for my strides. I am marrying a repulsion to better my life, the lives of my children, and bring more honor to my family, and help unify kingdoms.' "  
  
"That's sad," Caitlin said, for the second time this story. "She should have married Bob. He's so nice and handsome and kind."  
  
"It wouldn't have been a smart political move."  
  
"You know Sam," Caitlin said, showing her intelligence slightly beyond her age but with a bit of sarcasm, "I don't think that's a very good lesson to be teaching young impressionable children like me."  
  
Sam shrugged. "Study history some day. There wasn't love till, like, the nineteenth century or something." She kissed her little sister on the head and bid her "now sleep."  
  
Caitlin folded her arms. "Okay I'll go to sleep now but you'd better tell a better story tomorrow!"  
  
"Good night!" Sam called from the bedroom door as she switched off the light. 


End file.
